| I feel fat and chunky. I'm not satisfied with this mess. I want to fix it, but I'm scared of going back into that black hole again. Anyways I guess I eat less and exercise secretly. I'm not saying that I want my old body back, I want to lose a few pounds, maybe 10 or 15. Lets see where I'll end up with this.
|
| |
| I have fulled recovered now from this eating disorder but I'm not happy with the digits on the scale. I feel like they are increasing more and more each day. 
Life is a blur. |
| |
| Why do they call it recvery? According to the
doctors I AM recoving, but i still do think aboutfood all the time
(like what im going to eat, how many calories it has, how long is it
going to take me to burn those cals, I weight my self before i pee to
check if i lost any weight) When I was done with the recovery process,
I weighted 125 lbs, yes i no thats huge for some who is 5`4, but the
doctors thought that was a healhty weight for me. Now im 108 lbs. I had
this phase , i guess u can call it where i ate, talked, breathed like a
normal person. My parents dont no abt the weight i have managed to lose
since they r out of the country. I hope they dont notice when they cum
bak. . I want to be normal again ( like not thinking abt food every
second of the day n stuff) I havent eaten anything for the past two day
n i dont want to, is this slowly leading bak to where this started
from? I hate life. Its not that anyone can understand me, but I cant
even understand my self. I dont no wat i want, 1. to be skinny, like i
used to be 2. recover from this bitch.??????????? I dont no. Honesly,
someone help me. I cant do this to myself again. HELLP YOU GUYS, I NEED
YOU
|
| |
| So I have realized that I tricked myself into thinking that I suffered from anorexcia. I guess it was just this stupid phase in my life where I starved myself, because I thought I was insanely enormous. I feel stupid, all of my previous entries {which by thw way i read} were kind of like a food journal. Plus you can't become bulimic over night if you think it will help you lose wieght. This is just a stupid phase. I fell in a hole for a while and slowly got out of it. Anrexcia is not what half of these girls suffer from over here on xanga, they just think they do, because they think if u can go without food for a day ur anorexic. From now on this will simply be a food journal that will help me keep track of what I eat.
can anyone tell me wat the name of the model is?
thanx
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a34/iiisssaaabbbeeelll/agnesbarbarabuifw05021wy.jpg
|
| |
| omg i feel like im not anorexic i dont even worry about the content of calories in a food item i eat everything without worrying i hate time feeling i need to be skinny again so heres to fasting n if i get hungry i can eat oranges or carrots or cucumbers n drink green tea i need control this is a new plan i need to lose 5lbs in 3 weeks n then some more im going slowy i can do it oh yah can sumone recommend some good books for me to read thanx
|
| |
